Important lessons I have learnt

1.  You don’t have a clue what is going on in other peoples lives. It is so easy, especially when you have anxiety to just presume that people don’t like you or can’t be bothered to be your friend. It is so important to stay mindful to the fact that there could  be something huge going on behind closed doors. This is a mistake I have made too many times. Thinking my friend didn’t like me anymore, when really she was battling depression of her own. Thinking someone had fallen out with me when really they were just going through hell at home after losing family.
2. Choose kindness over bitterness. It is all too easy to choose the bitter route when you are treated badly, especially if it isn’t the first time. But in the long run, the person who suffers most is you – and you don’t deserve that. So choose kindness – choose compassion not only for them but for yourself.
3. Your reaction IS a choice. You may not have any control over a situation, but you do have control over how you react to the situation.
4. Your feelings and thoughts do not define you. Thoughts are like a bus – you can choose whether you get on or just let it pass. Your thoughts are not you, you have thousands and thousands a day – most of them you don’t even consciously realise – they do not define who you are. If you have a nasty thought it does not make you a nasty person – it is your choice whether you let that nasty thought pass by or whether you choose to embrace it.
5. Fear is dependent on you for survival – you feed it. It is an internal fight. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes fear is important, we evolved to fear certain situations which was important for our survival. The only problem is is that now we have the same reaction to getting an unwelcome email as cavemen did to have to fight off a tiger – it isn’t a suitable response and it leads to a build up of stress so it is important to develop the tools to deal with these responses.
6. The inner-terrorist can cause more damage than any other bully. The difference is this bully can be with you 24/7, talking you down and belittling you. It is important to recognise these thoughts and remind yourself what they are.
7. Self-care and self-compassion is to me, the most important thing in mental health. It took me 12 years of depression to realise that I am worth it, I deserve to be happy, I do have a purpose. If you would be kind and compassionate to others – why do you treat yourself with contempt?
8. Whoever someone may be, whether they be a friend or a relation, nobody has a right to abuse you. Physically, emotionally, psychologically. Although you can feel sorry for them and understand why they treat you this way, you need to step back and be compassionate to yourself too. It is not your job to save everyone, and you can’t help anyone if you don’t look after yourself first. I’m not saying you should be mean to anyone but you need to take care of yourself.
9. Sometimes the people that seem the happiest are actually the most insecure. Don’t judge anyone as the chances are you don’t know the full story.
10. Not everyone is going to like you. It really hurts when you find out that someone doesn’t like you – but you have to remember that there are so many different people and the likelihood is that you’re personality is going to clash with someone.
11. Your past doesn’t define your future. I have spent many a night laid wide awake replaying silly things I have done, fall-outs I’ve had and regretting my behaviour. We all make mistakes, nobody is perfect. Don’t let it weigh you down, as long as you are sorry and you are trying your best there is no more you can do.

Love Louise x