Finding answers

I’m laid in bed for the sixth day,

I’m still too tired so here I lay.

Starting at the ceiling, feeling alone

The only company I have is my phone

No one calls, no one texts

I feel so desperate each time I check

I can hear my daughter playing in the other room,

I hope I can play with her really soon.

The doctors still don’t have a diagnosis

So I still don’t know the prognosis

They said my intestine adhesed to my abdominal wall

The thought of which makes me shrink until I’m small.

For years and years I’ve been asking for help,

Every time they muttered “it’s IBS”, I’d whelp.

The girl who cried wolf, was always my fear,

I’ve said it too much and it’s like now they don’t hear.

“It’s not the same, as my endometriosis pain,”

But everything I said was said in vain.

“It feels like someone is tweeze-ring my appendix,

And the nagging pain is relentless.”

“I’m not concerned, so you don’t need to worry,

Call back in a week, there is no hurry”.

It had already been years, so what was the point,

It just blended in with the pain in each joint.

Now I find out a blockage could have been fatal,

But my cries for help were treated as fable.

Will they listen now? If it happens again?

Will they now care when I’m in pain?

Maybe they’ll read this when I’m already dead,

Would they still say it’s all in my head?

2021 Bucket List / Resolutions

At the end of 2018 I wrote about my decision that instead of just writing some resolutions I would write a bucket list for the following year – you can find it here.

Nearing the end of 2019 I got approached by a writer asking to interview me about it and I was in last December’s issue of In The Moment magazine.

I managed to grab a copy in the airport on my way back to Sweden and so I have it sitting on my bookshelf. It’s so strange how the world works. Every now and again I get an unexpected interesting email for collaboration or someone reaching out to say my books have helped and I feel really glad I had the determination to take the difficult path of writing.

This year has been incredibly difficult for everyone and who knows how next year will go; but one good thing to come out of this has been the sense of community and kindness we have witnessed.

From neighbors doing each other’s shopping, people making phone calls to those who might be lonely and of course the inspiring effort by Marcus Rashford and so many people all across the UK to make sure children don’t go hungry.

Brexit has taken place now but it won’t be the end like many believe, there are countless negotiations to come. I think people think I’m weird for still caring about it and they probably call me a remoaner; but honestly, the thought of Brexit still breaks my heart, it goes against everything I believe in: union, kindness, teamwork… Not to mention the personal aspects: my husband is a scientist, a profession based on collaboration all over the world which is heavily funded by the EU. Oh, and we will have to apply to be able to keep living here in Sweden which is another stress and uncertainty I really could do without.

At the beginning of the year I was teaching grade 2, just as the pandemic heated up I lost my job as the school closed and I spent the spring searching for something, I wasn’t sure what. The perfect job came along and now I’m teaching home economics to grade 6-9.

I say perfect because it’s literally all of the things I care about most: sustainability, mental health (in terms of lifestyle and food choices) and helping to shape students into healthy adults that make good choices.

Some people think it’s just baking, but to me it is so much more.

I also published Lisa’s First Day and Things I Need to Know.

In 2021 I hope to

Cycle 2337k (the distance from Stockholm to West Wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿) on my exercise bike
Swim in the lake
Be able to have a conversation in Swedish
Visit my grandma and aunties, uncle & cousins (it’s been over a year since I’ve seen them now 😢)
See my friends
Write more letters (interested in pen-palling?)
See a moose
See the northern lights
Read 100 books

Fabalulu’s

This week as part of my #supportsmallbusinesses project I’m interviewing the wonderful Lucy from Fabalulu’s.

Let’s get to know you, tell us a bit about yourself?

Hi I’m Lucy I’m a nurse, and Fabalulu’s is something that I do with my fiancé James. We 24 and 25 and we started this as a hobby.

It’s so nice that you do something that you love. What do you sell?

Resin gifts; we make pendants that can be key rings or necklaces. We also make artisan keycaps and some other products. We decorate our stuff with glitter, beads, real flowers, seashells, gold leaf and anything fun really.

They really are beautiful. Are you looking forward to Christmas?

Yes, James and I are in the process of buying a house and we should be moving in and having our first Christmas together in our own home by then.

That’s so exciting! What is your favourite time of year?

I love spring, but all my important events are in winter. So spring for the flowers and winter for the memories💜

I love spring too. That’s such a nice way to think of winter though. Do you have any tips on how to relax?

That’s one of the reasons I got into resin craft because I find crafting very relaxing. Although the mess is no fun! I also love baths 🙂 James enjoys gaming to relax.

I’m so glad you’ve found things to help you feel good. If you could go back and meet your teenage self what advice would you give?

I don’t think I would I’m trying to live in the moment these days and I honestly can’t remember anything specific 😂 so I guess keep doing what you’re doing?

I think that’s great advice. Thanks Lucy!

For a chance to win a gorgeous keyring go to my Instagram page or Facebook page

Things I need to know

My new book arrived this week and I’m so happy with it. I got inspiration to write this book to try and encourage teens to read, but I just know that my adult friends will love it too.

I was in a huge dilemma because after carefully choosing the illustrations and formatting when publishing I found out it would be really expensive to print. I went back and forth trying to decide what to do. In the end i decided to just go with it after I had spent so many hours getting it perfect. I’m so happy I did, it’s come out beautifully.

So many wonderful people helped me to create this book and you can tell that so much love and care has gone into it. Here are some pictures, I basically want to show you every page but I don’t want to spoil it for you.

I’ll share some others another day 😊

Forever Lost

I am one hundred different people and I am none.

I have so many friends and I also have none.

How can they be my real friends when they don’t know who I am.

How can my husband love me when I don’t give a damn.

You like football? I love it too. I’m not even lying, I actually do.

You like horses? I actually don’t, but maybe your right, I really should.

I don’t even just say I like them too, my minds made up and now it’s true.

I’m easily led, I’m basically a sheep, I don’t have a clue who I am and I’m really not deep.

I hate myself for not knowing who I am, my mind is numb and I feel like a scam.

I have no idea what I should do, an author, a teacher, or work in a bar; but how can I help or teach others, when I have no idea what my true colours are.

One day I’m happy, settled and can see far ahead; the next I am sad, anxious and full of dread.

I see messages from people “have you seen Louise, what book has she published, she must be on number 63”.

I only started writing to help other people, everyone should know that unkind words can be lethal.

Maybe they are right and I should stop, and take all of my books out of the shops.

Constant wavering and indecision, impulsive behavior and self-derision.

I had 1000 followers, I deleted the account, I couldn’t believe I deserved that amount.

I opened a new page, but what’s the point? The numbers are lost and I just disappoint.

Did Louise add you on Facebook? She added me too. She’s such a weird one, she belongs in the zoo.

Is it really her fault that she is like she is to this day? She adapted to meet others needs and lost herself along the way.

Unconditional love isn’t always a thing, and rejection can cause more than a sting.

So why am I like this and will I survive? I have no idea, maybe I’ll thrive.

New book release

I was going to release this book around August in time for the new school year, but honestly I feel like we need it right now, more than ever.

Not only has coronavirus brought restrictions, devastation and anxiety to us adults, but it has turned our children’s worlds upside down too.

No one knows what is going to happen with schools re-opening but judging by how anxious the teachers I know are about it, the children are going to find it difficult too.

So here is my attempt to hopefully help ease a little anxiety and open up the conversation. To get children talking about their feelings and anxieties.

My new book:

Available here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1913396045

Contact me for a signed addition (£10 including postage)

Love Louise x

Real People

Today I have some very exciting news.

My next two books are out!

Both versions of Real People give an insight into the lives of a diverse group of people so that children of all ages can learn how unique people are, and hopefully be inspired by their stories.

“Real People” for children (an illustrated book) and a chapter book for young adults.

The Kindle editions will be free TODAY ONLY.

Children’s book:

Chapter book:

If you would like to support me you can do so by:

*”buying” the books on kindle for free

*leaving a review

*asking friends or family to do the same

*liking or sharing my social media posts about the release to get it seen by more people

Lots of love, Louise ❤️

Mysterious noises…

Well, yesterday was quite an eventful day here in Stockholm.

So at 3pm I heard a huge noise, it was kind of like a car beeping their horn for a loooooong time, over and over and over again…. but so loud, I thought, this is so weird. Then I realized it was the alarm that goes off as a warning of large fires, explosions or war. Luckily I got a pamphlet a year ago to warn me about these tests, but it didn’t stop me panicking.

I couldn’t remember the Swedish word for the alarm so I couldn’t even google it, so even though that’s what I thought it was I was still a bit on edge!

Then at 3.30 there was a massive bang. I thought oh my god, it sounded like a bomb!!!

There have been a few bombs not far from Stockholm this year so I was quite scared. I looked on the news but couldn’t find anything, until today! Turns out it was an airplane breaking the sound barrier!

I messaged a Swedish friend today and he said the unofficial name for the alarm is Hesa Fredrick, while the official is Viktigt Meddelamde till Allmänheten.

According to the local “It was nicknamed ‘Hoarse Fredrik’ (‘Hesa Fredrik’) after a Swedish columnist at Dagens Nyheter in the 1930s, Oscar Fredrik Rydqvist, noted that it sounded like himself when he had a cold.”

The alarm goes off – klockan 15.00 den första helgfria måndagen i mars, juni, september och december. (3pm on the first Monday of the month in March, June, September and December).

Such a weird coincidence and all in all, a really weird day!!

Stockholm bucket list

I’m finally doing some of the things I’ve wanted to do since I found out I was moving to Stockholm!

A couple of weeks ago I took my first dip in Lake Mälaren (the water surrounding Stockholm). Many people don’t know but Stockholm is an archipelago – made up of lots of little islands. I love this fact because a lot of the islands can be walked around easily and I love to be beside the water.

My friends moved to a new apartment right on the waterside and we celebrated by going swimming. The water is really clean which I think is pretty impressive considering it surrounds a capital city! The weather was beautiful and the water was so refreshing. Incredibly cold but it just made you feel amazing.

The night before we went swimming I saw an otter in the water which was incredible! I was over the moon.

Next on the list was to go to Gröna Lund and I heard that one of my fave Swedish artists was performing there so it was time for a ‘moms night out’ as my friend Courtney put it! We had a blast!

We got thee early so went and sat by the waterside for a couple of drinks!

We took it in turns to say Skål / Iechyd da / cheers 🥂

You don’t even want to know how much these cost….. (somewhere around £22)

Jireel was pretty awesome and I had soooooo much fun dancing the night away. Here’s a link to one of his songs.

Afterwards we went for a drink in Kungsträdgården and had Mojitos and chips!

This girl is fabulous. She didn’t even like the music we went to see but she went because she knew I really wanted to go – now that is friendship!

Can’t wait to tell you about more adventures soon!

Louise x

Real People

I’m working hard on my next books – Real People.

I had this idea that children and young people should all realize how much potential they have, and that it doesn’t take winning a Nobel prize or becoming famous to mean you’re successful.

I’ve interviewed quite a few people about their lives and asked for honest answers about their childhood dreams, their life now, their strengths, fears and what they have overcome in life.

I really hope that these books will help young people to understand that they are not alone and that they can achieve incredible things in life just by being themselves.

The plan is to release a picture book for children with a kind of fact file and a chapter book for young adults/teens.

So excited to show you them.

Louise x